Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Foxillized
A weird thing happened on the way through summer: caught up in the Natalee Holloway story like half of America, I started watching Fox news every day.
Now it seems that I've lost the will to criticize George Bush, or care very much about peak oil, an interminable, increasingly bloody war, the economy and lack of good jobs.
Coincidence? No way.
There's something about Fox News that just siphons the braincells right out of your skull, replacing them with Stove Top. Like a really dangerous drug, Fox sucks you in.
Geraldo and his handlebar mustache, Greta and her non-stop Aruba reports, even - Lord help us all - Bill O'Reilly beckon to you with all the subtlety and seduction of Kurt Cobain's fix kit. You say falafel, I say loofah, but we still both oughtta hate ourselves in the morning.
Everything on Fox is spun in the best possible light. Everything.
If George Bush came out as being gay at noon, by tonight's "Factor" BlO'Reilly would somehow twist into "God came down to earth and directed our President's sexuality. Isn't it great?!"
BlO would bloviate on GWB's longterm anti-gay stance as 'just tough love.'
Hannity would go on location at the White House with a segment called: George Washington: Was he the first Hedwig?
Colmes, Demo-lite that he is, would begin to utter the word hypocrisy, getting just to the 'hip...' part.
Then they cut him off and go to a hip replacement surgery commercial to obfuscate, as always.
At Large with Geraldo would later intimate that Laura Bush might too be gay, if God tells her to and then He locates a nice pair of designer assless chaps.
We might even get some photoshopped pics of Jenna and Barbara Bush at a midnight Rocky Horror screening.
Meanwhile, back in Aruba, Greta would ask Tito Lacle how the US president's sexuality will impact developments in the Holloway case. "I believe this will help wrap it up. We're close to a resolution here; just a few more days...." Tito will say. Just like he's said for 80 days now.
And that, in a nutshell, is Fox news. Plus ça change, plus c'est le meme chose.
Now it seems that I've lost the will to criticize George Bush, or care very much about peak oil, an interminable, increasingly bloody war, the economy and lack of good jobs.
Coincidence? No way.
There's something about Fox News that just siphons the braincells right out of your skull, replacing them with Stove Top. Like a really dangerous drug, Fox sucks you in.
Geraldo and his handlebar mustache, Greta and her non-stop Aruba reports, even - Lord help us all - Bill O'Reilly beckon to you with all the subtlety and seduction of Kurt Cobain's fix kit. You say falafel, I say loofah, but we still both oughtta hate ourselves in the morning.
Everything on Fox is spun in the best possible light. Everything.
If George Bush came out as being gay at noon, by tonight's "Factor" BlO'Reilly would somehow twist into "God came down to earth and directed our President's sexuality. Isn't it great?!"
BlO would bloviate on GWB's longterm anti-gay stance as 'just tough love.'
Hannity would go on location at the White House with a segment called: George Washington: Was he the first Hedwig?
Colmes, Demo-lite that he is, would begin to utter the word hypocrisy, getting just to the 'hip...' part.
Then they cut him off and go to a hip replacement surgery commercial to obfuscate, as always.
At Large with Geraldo would later intimate that Laura Bush might too be gay, if God tells her to and then He locates a nice pair of designer assless chaps.
We might even get some photoshopped pics of Jenna and Barbara Bush at a midnight Rocky Horror screening.
Meanwhile, back in Aruba, Greta would ask Tito Lacle how the US president's sexuality will impact developments in the Holloway case. "I believe this will help wrap it up. We're close to a resolution here; just a few more days...." Tito will say. Just like he's said for 80 days now.
And that, in a nutshell, is Fox news. Plus ça change, plus c'est le meme chose.
