Incendiary Advice

"A talking point, a talking point - my kingdom for a talking point"

-- The Republican National Committee


In what has to be the biggest "make lemonade from bruised lemons" attempt, the usual Republican suspects are heralding Fitzgerald's Plame findings and Judge Alito's nominations as victories for the Bush administration. In what alternative universe?

Woo-hoo, only one indictment for the White House. That's great news!

Um, are they trying to tell us they deserve more indictments and are happy to settle for one? Or are indictments the new Beltway second wives: unfortunate, but everyone has one?

Newsflash: Any indictments are bad indictments, last time I checked. But, really, don't let this interfere with your revelry. And we'll amp-up the criminal investigations to make it more festive, if that's your wish.

As to Alito. . .

Let's see: after a terrible act of cronyism that brought us FEMA's Michael "Arabian Horse's Ass" Brown, Bush nominated Harriet "You're so cool, George!" Meirs for the SCOTUS.

At which point his base went after her like the Donner Party chasing down a portly, slow-moving child. Before you could say Cujo, Harriet was left screaming on a farm alone, locked in a car with windows covered in frothy rightwing saliva.

After a month of savage attacks on both Bush and Meirs, solely coming from members of the President's own party, he finally recognized he was wrong and nominated someone so far to the right he makes Scalia look like the guy carrying the flaming baton at a Gay Pride parade.

Good thing Bush's base wasn't locked in the Superdome without food and water while he took his sweet time realizing how badly he'd screwed up.

So this is what winning looks like? Good to know. Because from where I'm sitting, it sure looks like the soft bigotry of lowered presidential expectations for Bush. Presidential Imbecile Quota, party of one, your table's ready. . .


"Excuse me, Mr. Frist, is this your manhood? I think you dropped it in the Senate hallway. . ."

--Harry Reid, Democratic Senate Minority Leader


Say, was I the only one wanting to call a WAAAmbulance for Bill Frist yesterday, after "Give 'em hell Harry' Reid demanded immediate closed session discussions on the faulty (read:lying) intel that took us to Iraq? Frist missed his calling; judging from the handwringing and tears, he would've made a great lead on an ABC soap opera or Lifetime movie. Hope all those drama lessons come in handy for your impending money laundering trial.

As to the sessions - good on ya, Harry Reid. The report's been due for an entire year. Is it too cynical to suggest it might not be in the Republican Senate Majority's interest to release the information?

"Well, foreign torturers need employment, too!"

--The Bush White House


The Washington Post reported today that America has set up secret prisons in Eastern Europe designed for interrogation and detention of Al-Qaeda operatives. Yes, I expected it to be right next to the headline "Minnesota Mom Gives Birth to Alien Twins" in Star Magazine, too. But it's true.

Aside from the more obvious reaction -- screaming, vomiting and heading for Canada --I also have a couple of questions:

1. Is this why Bush and Cheney are adamant about removing the anti-torture language
from the recent defense spending bill?

2. Can we apologize now to the unfortunate Democrat who had to apologize for calling our torture practices akin to Hitler and Stalin? After all, the only thing separating our gulags and torture chambers from those of Russia and Saddam's Iraq is location, location, location.

3. And speaking of location, is the Washington Post gang ever going to identify which country we're using as our "torture on the cheap" dissembly line?

4. Finally, have these prisoners been charged, tried and convicted, or is this more like Gitmo where we just snatched 'em up with no charges and extradited? Because if the latter is the case, I think Libby, Cheney and Rove might fess-up about outing Plame if they get the same treatment. Let's try it.

Speaking of Darth Cheney:

"But my approval is still in the double digits!"

The latest CBS poll has Old Sneery with a 19 percent approval rating. Which means he won the sympathy of the American Heart Association because they know he needs a donor. But basically everyone else hates him. How much do they hate him? Let's just say this: Ted Bundy had more support outside the prison on execution day. Hitler's polling at 35 percent approval. And Satan's got a solid 25 percent.


"And speaking of reports, wake me when it's Christmas. . ."

-- Me

Well, it's official. Tomorrow is the bone scan. Apparently the doctor's worried that the tumor may be growing because my daughter is no longer having pain over the growth plate area that was originally injured, and the pain is coming from the area where the bone tumor is. Needless to say, she's frightened to have the iodine injection and I'm frightened of the possible results. More on those when they arrive, maybe.