Incendiary Advice

So, tomorrow night's the Barenaked Ladies Jingle Bell Ball, and I've come down with this creeping crud flu from the girls.

The youngest's lasted all week since Thanksgiving, but she's better and this is her first BNL concert. The oldest is at the point where she sounds like a 16-year-old helium inhalant addict. When she can even speak, that is.

We somehow snagged eighth row seats dead center. So even hopped-up on TheraFlu, we're going.

Somehow, despite terrible luck most of the time, when it comes to Barenaked Ladies shows I'm the luckiest person around. We've had seats in the first dozen rows for four different concerts, and it never matters when they're purchased. Once we got 11th row seats 6 p.m. at The Gund the night of the show.

We call it "Mom's BNL Cosmic Connection." Whatever term you use, it's nothing short of amazing.

SBC Blue Room has some great videos of BNL performing Hannukah Blessings, Snowman and our personal favorite from Barenaked from the Holidays, Elf's Lament. There's just something about a rockin' song featuring an Elf and the concept of fair labor practices.

Only Barenaked Ladies could pull that off.

Rumor has it the show opens with the guys accompanied by a children's band. Sadly, we won't be able to stay and meet them this year, given that junior high students need sleep on school nights. Especially when they're getting over colds.

Speaking of colds, though - I'm feeling better already, just thinking about tomorrow's show. The healing qualities of Barenaked Ladies -- magical.



Elf's Lament by Barenaked Ladies

I'm a man of reason, and they say "'Tis the season to be jolly"
But it's folly when you volley for position

Never in existence has there been such a resistance
To ideas meant to free us
If you could see us, then you'd listen

Toiling through the ages, making toys on garnished wages
There's no union
We're only through when we outdo the competition

I make toys, but I've got aspirations
Make some noise
Use your imagination
Girls and boys, before you wish for what you wish for
There's a list for who's been
Naughty or nice, but consider the price to an elf

A full indentured servitude can reflect on one's attitude
But that silly red hat just makes the fat man look outrageous

Absurd though it may seem, you know,
I've heard there's even been illegal doping
And though we're coping, I just hope it's not contagious

You try to start a movement, and you
think you see improvement
But when thrown into the moment, we just don't seem so courageous

I make toys, but I've got aspirations
Make some noise
Use your imagination
Girls and boys, before you wish for what you wish for
There's a list for who's been
Naughty or nice, but consider the price to an elf

You look at yourself
You're an elf
And the shelf is just filled with disappointing memories
Trends come and go, and your friends
wanna know why you aren't just happy
making crappy little gizmos
Every kid knows they'll just throw this stuff away

We're used to repetition, so we drew up a petition
We, the undersigned, feel undermined
Let's redefine "employment"

We know that we've got leverage,
so we'll hand the fat man a beverage
And sit back while we attack the utter lack of our enjoyment

It may be tough to swallow, but our threats are far from hollow
He may thunder, but if he blunders,
he may wonder where the toys went

I make toys, but I've got aspirations
Make some noise
Use your imagination
Girls and boys, before you wish for what you wish for
There's a list for who's been
Naughty or nice, but consider the price
Naughty or nice, but consider the price
Naughty or nice, but consider the price -- to an elf


Barenaked Ladies