Monday, April 03, 2006

Oh, no: Say it ain't so, Scottbot!

CNN reports Baghdad Scotty McLellan is the next rat jumping from the SS White House, according to GOP insiders (the very same people who will try and distance themselves from Bush before October '06 - if they're smart).

What will become of Scott? Will he retire to spend more time with Jeff Gannon, help his mother on her campaign, or simply run off somewhere far away to slowly be deprogrammed?

He's got a huge future at SNL, reprising Jon Lovitz' "the liar" character.

What tragedy at the American Cirque de SoLame that is the Bush Ecru House.

Who will fill Scottbot's shoes? Dan Bartlett may work; he's just as big an unflinching untruth teller. Still has a few years before the the booze and stress puff him up, too.

But I think they should just create a Scottbot from, well, a ScottBot. A McLellan hybrid, if you will - now with 30 percent less truth!

As always, he can be rebooted whenever necessary:

Reporter: So, now that you're leaving Scott, what are your plans?

ScottBot: "Yes, it's true I am leaving. Also, when a person leaves, they tend to go away. However, I reject your characterization of it as actually departing. Consider it more that I'm simply moving away from the podium, but not actually going anywhere. Just a bit of exercise."

" By the way, does anyone like Peeps? Because the President has a great new Peeps initiative, covering all colors: yellow, pink and purple Peeps. And it seems to me that some of you in the press only want to talk about the bad stuff. Never all that the President has done to help the cute little packages of Peeps. And I reject that. I reject it. And furthermore, we don't talk about ongoing goings-on, including my going."

[Repetition of "I reject that" is a sign for the Scottbot handlers to hit Ctrl-Alt-Delete several times in rapid succession, until the ScottBot resumes script.]

Poor KarateExplosions must be in abject mourning over the loss of such comedy gold. "The Danny Show" hasn't got the same ring to it. He'll need comforting.

A cartoon by Mr. Fish
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