Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Stephen Colbert -- my hero, now more than ever

Not having your own computer really sucks.

I totally missed the hullabaloo over Stephen Colbert's brilliant excoriation of Bush at the White House Press Correspondents' Dinner.


Well, part of the problem is the fact the press was eviscerated by Colbert's comments -- makes it a little rough to keep giving them airplay. The other part might be that people expected Colbert to be a "funny-haa-haaa" performer; they couldn't wrap their heads around the fact he's a brilliant satirist who may be the only person who ever put to good use having Bush as a brief captive audience.

Reading the transcript (damn library computers - no speakers!) my mouth fell to the floor and stayed there straight through the point where he mocks Bush's penchant (and obvious disdain shown by Bush) for giving reporters cheesy nicknames.

Just a few excerpts, and the link should you wish to view what will go down in history as a performance as edgy, vital and amazing as anything by Lenny Bruce:

"Now, I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in "reality." And reality has a well-known liberal bias.
So, Mr. President, please, pay no attention to the people that say the glass is half full. 32% means the glass -- it's important to set up your jokes properly, sir. Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash."

"Okay, look, folks, my point is that I don't believe this is a low point in this presidency. I believe it is just a lull before a comeback. I mean, it's like the movie "Rocky." All right. The president in this case is Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed is -- everything else in the world. It's the tenth round. He's bloodied. His corner man, Mick, who in this case I guess would be the vice president, he's yelling, "Cut me, Dick, cut me!," and every time he falls everyone says, "Stay down! Stay down!" Does he stay down? No. Like Rocky, he gets back up, and in the end he -- actually, he loses in the first movie.

"I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message: that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound -- with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world."

Bravo, Stephen. You spoke for the non-backwash Americans.

To see it all, click here.
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