Saturday, May 27, 2006

Things I've learned recently

1. Drinking does not help you forget. It does lots of things: gives you heartburn, makes you weepy, leaves you feeling like absolute refuse the next day. But forgetting? Not really. It's also a complete and utter waste of time, money and valuable lip resources.

2. Doctor's visits can last five hours. And yes, you can successfully read every available magazine in his office while you wait for your father's test results.

3. Young boys can be really terrific. Not cranky like teenage girls can be. They even help around the house, when asked. They also like watching anything funny: Monty Python, The Awful Truth (hopefully both seasons) --- even Anchorman. Plus they love new stuff, and pop, and any godawful junk food you can supply. And the best way to get their attention is to use their names. Which, no offense intended, reminds me very much of my dog. He too only hears Charlie Brown teacher voices unless you say "Marlon" at the end of every other sentence.

4. You never really get over the absence of someone you love. Even if you try to prepare for it. Even if you know, watching them grow more feeble, that they won't be suffering anymore. Even if you see you're wasting whatever little time you have left with them prematurely mourning. Some people say you never really lose someone you love. I believe you never really had them in the first place; any such conditions and proprietary notions are purely wishful thinking.

5. Huge car payments really suck. Even when you surprisingly can afford them. But what sucks even worse is having your temporary tag blow off the car on the Shoreway, only to discover a new law prohibits the transfer of license plates without a copy of your social security card. Which you can't get unless you show your birth certificate. Which you cannot find -- anywhere. And that Nissan dealership -- nice as it is -- cannot help you.

And what have you learned, lately?
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