Incendiary Advice

Rip out the table
we need room to move
in a life unstable
you're so easily amused
anywhere you hang
yourself is home
throw in a tape, fix the tone

Someone take the wheel
and I don't know where we're going
anybody say what you feel
everybody's sad, but nobody's showing

-- The Replacements

If I actually had time to think, I'd be worried about so much. So much so that I'd become completely inert, unable to move or function or even get out of bed. Which is probably why I pop-up like tarts from a toaster every morning at 5:30. No apparent direction, no pressing need - work, life's calling or even nature's calling related - yet there I am, every morning before dawn, pacing and peering out from behind the curtains like some cut-rate version of Lady MacBeth. Right before the big scene.

So it's probably for the best that there's zero time to really think, between my parents increasing disconnect with reality, trying to finish cleaning out their entire house before surgery D-Day of June 1, Christie's issues and her two friends I've apparently unknowingly adopted for the next few months, the new courts, old courts and looking at possibly moving soon...

Because if stopping for a moment, even just to think, weren't such an unaffordable luxury right now, I'd realize what it feels like to be so far in over your head that drowning seems a reasonable, if not the only, way to bring some peace. The built-in failure of all of this would be just too obvious. If I had time to see the oncoming train, I might actually try to sever the cords connecting me to the track.

No such luck.